ZAM: Who will love you if you’re dead?

Shamblin’ Dave, in a moment of weakness, recently admitted that he’s never found love and feels he never will, now that he’s a corpse. He’s asked for help and we can see he’s lonely so we’ve agreed to do everything we can to assist him in his search for a mate.

First, we should ask: Who will love you if you’re dead?

Shamblin’ Dave: No one.
Ames: Don’t be so negative.

So you’re life-challenged. You’re not the only one.

Other Zombies

Only other zombies know what you’ve gone through, what you’ve lost and what you’re going to lose, or misplace as the case may be. I expect plenty of other zombies miss being intimate and making a connection with another being, especially newbies when they’re struggling to adjust to their unlives. How about seeking out others whether male or female and make friends? The friendship could become something more in the future or they might know someone you might fall in love with.


Although it’s unlikely you’ll find a willing lover among the living it’s not impossible. Plenty of necrophiliacs will be relieved to finally come out of the closet and indulge in their rather unusual and mostly illegal fetish. However, chasing humans makes you a Vitaphiliac – those who have an erotic attraction to living things.

Zombie 1: Graah, guh, bwuh, GRAAAH. {Translation: Hey, there is such a hot, helpless girl over there! I think I’ll go over and “eat her out”, if you catch my meaning!}
Zombie 2: Bwuh? Grahhgh hugrhh! {Translation: What? That’s sick! You must have vitaphilia!}
Zombie 1: Gruhbuh, raghhh. {Translation: At least I’ll be eating tonight, asshole.}

Pursuing a human is tricky. Most will automatically assume you’re by hunting for your next meal rather than looking for love. Don’t be surprised if the object of your affection runs away or shoots you. You obviously don’t want them to fear you but can you blame them? No one wants to be a voreaphilia victim. Voreaphiliacs or “Vore Whores” frighten me!

Your very last option regarding humans, and I don’t recommend this, is to forcibly bite the person you’re attracted to. By doing this you’ve limited their options for lovers and they’ll be completely reliant on you to help them through the transition from living to undead. However, upon changing there’s a possibility they’ll turn around and reject you due to resentment. You’ve taken away their life and everything they love. They’re probably not going to thank you for that. If however, they ask for the bite -extremely unlikely, then by all means chomp away.


Hmm, is he after food or sex?
We’ll be looking closer at this later on in the week so stay tuned!


Posted on May 23, 2011, in Random Musings and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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