ZAM: What is a “Zombie”?: The Zombie Perspective

Zombie Awareness Month Zombie

• a corpse said to be revived by witchcraft, especially in certain African and Caribbean religions.

Origin: early 19th century: of West African origin; Kikongo zumbi ‘fetish’ [Source]
Louisiana Creole or Haitian Creole zonbi; Kimbundu nzúmbe ghost [Source]

Here’s an interview I had with a random human I snatched off the street earlier.

So y-you’re corpses?

Yes, we are dead. We sometimes eat the flesh of the living (while you’re still alive) and brains are our favourite food. We’re stronger than the average human but the longer we live our undead lives the more we decay, dragging our bodies around until we can no more. I’ve seen the rancid flesh and rotting limbs fall off my nearest and dearest friends. It’s quite upsetting. I dread the day when I’m nothing more than a scattering of bare and forgotten bones.

Why are zombies so well-known?

Over the years we zombies have become increasingly popular after the successful release of George A. Romero‘s 1968 film Night of the Living Dead and the book, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein in 1818. Now we’re everywhere. Figures of horror and comedy (why do you live people think losing a hand is funny? It’s not. Believe me.) in all cultural avenues.

Zombies are everywhere then. Where exactly?

We’ve appeared in music videos like Michael Jackson’s Thriller (I’m proud of that one.), artwork such as that by Goshmar, TV shows like The Walking Dead (I love it when they bite people), comics and graphic novels and paraphernalia used for Halloween when you meatbags dress up like us and wonder the streets. My favourite holiday -so many tasty treats to choose from. I’m salivating just thinking about it.

You people also enjoy reading books where hordes of my hungry brethren descend on the living en masse and end your miserable lives as you know them. I believe you call them zombie apocalypses.

I like this notion. I like it a lot. Too many times I’ve seen you mistreat us, killing our kind with abandon, in real life and in video games where children gleefully learn to chop off our limbs to inhibit our ability to fight back and then take that final blow for decapitation ending our unlives, and mistreating our bodies for your own purposes: research, free labour, necrophilia… No one stands up for zombie rights, oh no. Well, Anita Blake did until she got busy molesting other undead and wild animals. And you humans think we’re unnatural. Hypocrites.


And just because we sound incoherent doesn’t mean we lost our intelligence during the reanimation process. Human mouths are full of bacteria and when we die it’s one of the first areas to rot away. How do you expect us to pronounciate when our lips and tongues have deteriorated beyond our ability to make eloquent speech? Yeah, bet you never thought of that. Never judge ‘til you’ve seen it from the other side.

It’s not our fault necromancers raise us from our graves. We were doing no wrong, just resting in peace when interfering a-holes come along and wake our asses up to do their bidding. And when we’re of no further use you discard us like trash. It’s disrespectful.

Humans. I hate you. You’re so pathetic. Look at you, cowering there in front of me. You’re better off dead. And I’m hungry…


Posted by Shamblin’ Dave


Posted on May 2, 2011, in Features & Memes, Sci-Fi & Fantasy and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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