Monthly Archives: May 2011

Weekly Overview (May 29th)

In the last week…

ZAM Week 3: Zombies Need Love Too

ZAM saw:

We looked into those who might love you if you’re dead and where to find other undead lonely hearts searching for love.

We offered up some zombie-specific dating tips and showed how one besotted zombie got his human girl.

We delved into the curious world of zombie sex and tried not to puke, and took a gander at what zombie break-ups might look like. The answer is: Not pretty.

And if you don’t feel like participating in a zombie relationship but would like to read more about it this strange little phenomenon then you’ll find a few books in this week’s Wishing Well Wednesday.



Other posts included:

Everyone Stops Dying on Starz’ ‘Torchwood: Miracle Day’
Cover Reveal: Cassandra Clare’s ‘Clockwork Prince’


Enjoy the rest of your weekend and see you next week!

And remember:

Zombies only want you for your brain!





~May is ‘Zombie Awareness Month’ (ZAM)~

ZAM: ‘Til Death Do You Part?

Not all romances can last forever.


They always say, “You can’t choose who you fall in love with” and “The heart wants what the heart wants”. Ending a relationship is never easy. Here are some couples that just couldn’t make it work. Hopefully they’ve proven the other famous saying, “Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all”, to be true as well.

When zombie-zombie romances go wrong

When zombie-human romance go wrong

When human-human romances come to an end

We hope Shamblin’ Dave and Shufflin’ Eve have found a love that’ll last forever

or at least as long as they themselves last

ZAM: Freaky Friday (Zombromance Edition)

Freaky Friday is a new feature in which we’ll be sharing our strangest finds concerning books, movies and the paranormal.



Your friendly neighbourhood zombie, Shamblin’ Dave here again. This Freaky Friday, I’m trying to explain to Steph … Zombies Need Sexin’ Too!
I understand you wantin’ to show Shufflin’ Eve how you feel about her.
It’s just …. ICK, Dude! But, ya know I love ya!

Yeah, okay. But, I’m not stickin’ around to help you with your post then. I’m out!
That actually works because this post is all about the freaky stuff we find and it might just upset him more.



Is it just me? Zombie + Human = Ick! I’ll pass, thanks!

But then Zombie + Zombie ain’t much better…



But, if you consider yourself to be a supporter of the sexual liberation and “want to help others experiment sexually after your death”, don’t forget to get cha one of these.



Lookin’ for a ZomBROmance? You’re in luck! The dead have risen from their graves to take over civilization. There’s only one thing…all they want are the men.


Or if you wanted something a little more hardcore well, there is a zombie porn movie to satisfy your needs.


Just in case you zombies have some sensitive sex questions, Sextutor is here for you!

***(NSFW) Zombie Sex Guide might not be something you want on your browser history at work***
Here are a few tips to hold ya over until you get home 😉


No Cure for Crotch Rot
This is the number-one enemy of zombies trying to hook up. Ongoing bodily decay means that your junk will probably fall off at some point. So don’t encourage it by yanking too hard when you jerk off. If you notice you’ve dropped something crucial, pick it up and try to superglue it back on.








I’d Like a Piece of That
The putrid, rotting flesh of the undead does not lend itself well to love bites, nibbles, or giving hickeys. Chances are you’ll unintentionally bite off more than you can chew – like an ear or a shoulder. On the other hand, if you’re a zombie going after a living person, feel free to sink your incisors in – preferably into the neck, viscera, or the BRAINS.




Gotta love the creativity and imagination of others!

Have a great weekend!

Cover Reveal: Cassandra Clare’s ‘Clockwork Prince’


Clockwork Prince (The Infernal Devices #2) by Cassandra Clare


Description from Goodreads:

The Infernal Devices is a series of prequels to The Mortal Instruments series, set in 19’th century London. The story concerns 16-year-old orphan Tessa Gray, whose quiet life is thrown into turmoil when her older brother Nathaniel suddenly vanishes, leaving her alone. Her search for him leads her into Victorian-era London’s dangerous supernatural underworld, where warlocks throw masked balls for half-demon Downworlders. When Tessa discovers that she herself is a Downworlder, she must come to trust her natural enemies, the demon-killing Shadowhunters, if she ever wants to learn to control her powers and find her brother. Torn between the beautiful Will, a Shadowhunter who isn’t what he seems, and the devoted Jem, whose own deadly secret is slowly destroying him, Tessa must draw on all her strength to save her brother and keep herself alive in this deadly new world.


Details:
Hardcover, 528 pages
Expected publication: December 6th 2011 by Margaret K. McElderry Books
ISBN#: 9781416975885


Available at:
Amazon | Book Depository | B&N

ZAM: A “Zombie Love Song”

A zombie-human love story told in song. Enjoy!

About this video:
DOWNLOAD THE MP3: http://tinyurl.com/ZombieLoveSong

Lyrics and vocals by Ray Johnson
http://bit.ly/hkgd8U

Produced by Atomic Beats
http://bit.ly/hNh3v9

***LYRICS***
♬ You don’t know me, baby, but I’ve seen you around.
It might be kind of crazy, but I’m just new in town.
And now I wonder what you’d think if I said, hey look
I’d like to get your number and a link to your Facebook.
Now if I tell you what a nice guy’s supposed to
Would that compel you not to scream when I approach you?
You’ll have to promise me you’ll take this news calmly,
But honestly, I’m sort of a zombie.

I knew you’d be surprised. You can bet that I
May not be alive, but I sure as hell ain’t dead inside.
What’s with the shotty? I ain’t wishing you harm.
You see, I’d try to hold your hand but I’m missing an arm.
Brains are all I’ve eaten all week it’s true,
But if my heart were still beating, it would beat for you.
So let me take you to Wendy’s. You deserve it.
Yeah, I’m a zombie, baby. Ain’t nobody perfect.

I’ll chase you through the yard and all through the house into the dark.
I wanna steal your heart and eat your brains.
I’ve never been so true, but if my heart were still beating, it would beat for you.
I wanna steal your heart and eat your brains.

Baby, sometimes I bite, and you can bet
That I’ve got an appetite for human flesh.
I’ll always be near though. You’ll have to accept that
When I nibble on your earlobe you might get infected.
Cause I fell in love with you and I’m
Undead but you make me feel alive.
And when I chase you through the graveyard
It feels like foreplay.

If I’m lying I’m dying, and I speak truly
When I say I love your mind. I’ll take brains over beauty.
We’ll be the undead Dagwood and Blondie
When I teach you how to zombie, teach you, teach you how to zombie.
And everybody will love you, and you can sing along
to this post-apocalyptic, postmortem love song.
So give me a chance,girl. You know I’ll be worth it.
Yeah, I’m a zombie, baby. Ain’t nobody perfect.

I’ll chase you through the yard and all through the house into the dark.
I wanna steal your heart and eat your brains.
I’ve never been so true, but if my heart were still beating, it would beat for you.
I wanna steal your heart and eat your brains.

Brains. Brains. Brains. Brains.
Brains. Brains.

I’ll chase you through the yard and all through the house into the dark.
I wanna steal your heart and eat your brains.
I’ve never been so true, but if my heart were still beating, it would beat for you.
I wanna steal your heart and eat your brains. ♬

ZAM: You’re The One That I…Chomp!

Shamblin’ Dave has met a woman!

Whoohoo! Go Dave!

He met Shufflin’ Eve @ Zombie Harmony and things are going so well that he wants to show her how much she means to him. Aww.




Here are some additional dating tips:

#1 Ask her to be your Valentine

#2 Be a gentleman and remember to stay on her good side

#3 Bring her gifts






#4 Share your passions

#5 Be patient and she’ll reward you with a kiss

#6 Admit your undying love and ask her to marry you

#7 And remember to behave yourself at the wedding

Happy dating!

ZAM: Wishing Well Wednesday (Zombie Lovin’ Edition)

Wishing Well Wednesday is a weekly feature showcasing the books we have on our wish lists and those we’re looking forward to being published.



Zombie Lovin’ Wishlist

There are many romantic zombie reads out there, more than I’d imagined there would be. There’s something for everyone, whether you’re a lookin’ for human + zombie pairing, some zombie + zombie action or two humans tryin’ to make time for romance while surviving the zombocalypse.


Happy Hour of the Damned by Mark Henry

Description from Goodreads:

Before she became a zombie, Amanda Feral had everything under control. This sassy Seattle advertising exec and full-time party diva knew how to cope with club leeches and overbearing clients, but fending off the undead is clearly something else. As Amanda gradually adjusts to her new, exceedingly weird identity, she learns important lessons about shapeshifters, reapers, bloodsuckers, dressing to truly kill. A hysterical paranormal debut romp.


Generation Dead by Daniel Waters

Description from Goodreads:

Phoebe Kendall is just your typical Goth girl with a crush. He’s strong and silent…and dead.

All over the country, a strange phenomenon is occurring. Some teenagers who die aren’t staying dead. But when they come back to life, they are no longer the same. Feared and misunderstood, they are doing their best to blend into a society that doesn’t want them.

The administration at Oakvale High attempts to be more welcoming of the “differently biotic.” But the students don’t want to take classes or eat in the cafeteria next to someone who isn’t breathing. And there are no laws that exist to protect the “living impaired” from the people who want them to disappear—for good.

When Phoebe falls for Tommy Williams, the leader of the dead kids, no one can believe it; not her best friend, Margi, and especially not her neighbor, Adam, the star of the football team. Adam has feelings for Phoebe that run much deeper than just friendship; he would do anything for her. But what if protecting Tommy is the one thing that would make her happy?


My Zombie Valentine Anthology with stories by Katie MacAlister, Angie Fox, Marianne Mancusi and Lisa Cach

Description from Goodreads:

Four women who are about to dig up the truth!

Tired of boyfriends who drain you dry? Sick of guys who stay out all night howling at the moon? You can do better. Some men want you not only for your body, but your brains. Especially your brains.
It’s true! There are men out there who care–early-rising, down-to-earth, indefatigable men who’ll follow you for miles. They’ll take the time to surprise you, over and over. One sniff of that perfume, and you’ll have to use a shotgun to fight them off. And then, once you get together, all they want is to share a nice meal. And another. And another.

Romeo and Juliet, eat your hearts out.

“Bring Out Your Dead” by Katie MacAlister
“Gentlemen Prefer Voodoo” by Angie Fox
“Zombiewood Confidential” by Marianne Mancusi
“Every Part of You” by Lisa Cach


Beautiful Dead: Jonas by Eden Maguire

Description from Goodreads:

Something strange is happening in Ellerton High. Phoenix is the fourth teenager to die within a year. His street fight stabbing follows the deaths of Jonas, Summer and Arizona in equally strange and sudden circumstances.
Rumours of ghosts and strange happenings rip through the small community as it comes to terms with shock and loss. Darina,Phoenix’s grief-stricken girlfriend, is on the verge. She can’t escape her intense heartache, or the impossible apparitions of those that are meant to be dead. And all the while the sound of beating wings echo inside her head! And then one day Phoenix appears to Darina.

Ecstatic to be reunited, he tells her about the Beautiful Dead. Souls in limbo, they have been chosen to return to the world to set right a wrong linked to their deaths and bring about justice. Beautiful, superhuman and powerful, they are marked by a ‘death mark’ – a small tattoo of angel’s wings. Phoenix tells her that the sound of invisible wings beating are the millions of souls in limbo, desperate to return to earth.Darina’s mission is clear: she must help Jonas, Summer, Arizona, and impossibly, her beloved Phoenix, right the wrong linked to their deaths to set them free from limbo so that they can finally rest in peace. Will love conquer death? And if it does, can Darina set it free?


Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion

Description from Goodreads:

Story centers on an existentially tormented zombie who begins an unlikely friendship with the girlfriend of one of his victims and starts a chain reaction that will transform him and his fellow zombies.




I Kissed a Zombie and I Liked It by Adam Selzer

Description from Goodreads:

Algonquin “Ali” Rhodes, the high school newspaper’s music critic, meets an intriguing singer, Doug, while reviewing a gig. He’s a weird-looking guy—goth, but he seems sincere about it, like maybe he was into it back before it was cool. She introduces herself after the set, asking if he lives in Cornersville, and he replies, in his slow, quiet murmur, “Well, I don’t really live there, exactly. . . .”

When Ali and Doug start dating, Ali is falling so hard she doesn’t notice a few odd signs: he never changes clothes, his head is a funny shape, and he says practically nothing out loud. Finally Marie, the school paper’s fashion editor, points out the obvious: Doug isn’t just a really sincere goth. He’s a zombie. Horrified that her feelings could have allowed her to overlook such a flaw, Ali breaks up with Doug, but learns that zombies are awfully hard to get rid of—at the same time she learns that vampires, a group as tightly-knit as the mafia, don’t think much of music critics who make fun of vampires in reviews. . .


Frankie and the Formaldehyde by M. Jones

Description from Goodreads:

Frankie works at the Happy Restful Sanitorium, a housing facility for those who choose to keep their loved ones around long after their death. With so many hungry bodies around, life is difficult—Especially when Frankie’s husband, George, somehow becomes infected. Frankie soon discovers that hiding an illegal zombie isn’t as easy as she’d thought.


My Zombie Ex-Boyfriend by Cora Zane

Description from Goodreads:

Regina finds her ex-boyfriend stumbling through the hedges. A zombie, he’s no less intelligent than when he’d been alive. While attempting to shoo him away, her efforts are thwarted by her sexy neighbor Heath Collins. How was he to know she’d once dated the bumbling undead? Heath intended his zombie-bashing rescue to break the ice. Great. Now he’ll have to find another way to impress her.


Married with Zombies by Jesse Petersen

Description from Goodreads:

A heartwarming tale of terror in the middle of the zombie apocalypse.

Meet Sarah and David.

Once upon a time they met and fell in love. But now they’re on the verge of divorce and going to couples’ counseling. On a routine trip to their counselor, they notice a few odd things – the lack of cars on the highway, the missing security guard, and the fact that their counselor, Dr. Kelly, is ripping out her previous client’s throat.

Meet the Zombies.

Now, Sarah and David are fighting for survival in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. But, just because there are zombies, doesn’t mean your other problems go away. If the zombies don’t eat their brains, they might just kill each other.


Breathers: A Zombie’s Lament by S.G. Browne

Description from Goodreads:

For fans of Max Brooks’s The Zombie Survival Guide and zombie aficionados everywhere, a hilarious debut novel about life (and love) after death.

Meet Andy Warner, a recently deceased everyman and newly minted zombie. Resented by his parents, abandoned by his friends, and reviled by a society that no longer considers him human, Andy is having a bit of trouble adjusting to his new existence. But all that changes when he goes to an Undead Anonymous meeting and finds kindred souls in Rita, an impossibly sexy recent suicide with a taste for the formaldehyde in cosmetic products, and Jerry, a twenty-one-year-old car-crash victim with an exposed brain and a penchant for Renaissance pornography. When the group meets a rogue zombie who teaches them the joys of human flesh, things start to get messy, and Andy embarks on a journey of self-discovery that will take him from his casket to the SPCA to a media-driven class-action lawsuit on behalf of the rights of zombies everywhere.

Darkly funny, surprisingly touching, and gory enough to satisfy even the most discerning reader, Breathers is a romantic zombie comedy (rom-zom-com, for short) that will leave you laughing, squirming, and clamoring for more.


If you fancy yourself a singer, you could always give this one a go:


Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime: A Book of Zombie Love Songs by Michael P. Spradlin

Description from Goodreads:

Zombies have feelings, too. . .

Sure, losing a limb doesn’t faze them in the slightest, but a zombie’s rotting heart can still break just like anybody else’s. Yes, it’s true: Zombies need loving! And this soul-stirring collection of more than two dozen classic love songs is just the ticket for zombie romantics everywhere.


Looking for more recommendations? Check out Goodreads’ zombie romance shelf.



Everyone, living or undead, should have a fair shot at love, yes?

Everyone Stops Dying on Starz’ ‘Torchwood: Miracle Day’

Welcome Back, Jack!

I cannot wait for the new Starz series Torchwood: Miracle Day! I love Torchwood and the trailer for this one looks wicked! Who do you call when everyone everywhere in the world stops dying? Torchwood!

A STARZ Original Series
One day, nobody dies. All across the world, nobody dies. And then the next day, and the next, and the next, people keep aging — they get hurt and sick — but they never die. The result: a population boom, overnight.

With all the extra people, resources are finite. It’s said that in four month’s time, the human race will cease to be viable. But this can’t be a natural event – someone’s got to be behind it. It’s a race against time as C.I.A. agent Rex Matheson investigates a global conspiracy. The answers lie within an old, secret British institute. As Rex keeps asking “What is Torchwood?”, he’s drawn into a world of adventure, and a threat to change what it means to be human, forever.

“Torchwood,” premiering July 8, stars John Barrowman (“Torchwood”, “Desperate Housewives”) as Captain Jack Harkness, Eve Myles (“Torchwood”, “Little Dorrit”) as Gwen Cooper, Mekhi Phifer (“ER”, “Lie to Me”) as Rex Matheson and Bill Pullman (While You Were Sleeping, Independence Day) as Oswald Danes.

Starring: John Barrowman, Mekhi Phifer, Eve Myles, Bill Pullman, Lauren Ambrose, Alexa Havins, Arlene Tur, Kai Owen


Premiering Friday, 8 July

To learn more, visit Starz.

ZAM: Lookin’ for Love

Shamblin’ Dave has joined Zombie Harmony in hopes of finding his undead soulmate!




Disclaimer: ZombieHarmony is for zombies only. We advise signing up for ZombieHarmony only if you lack a pulse, have limited motor skills, or feel an intense desire to feast on human beings. We are not responsible for lost or ingested loved ones. If you go on a date with a zombie, we cannot be held liable for contributing to the apocalypse.

Please date responsibly: bring a baseball bat or crowbar.


I heart Zombies


These required selection fields will help him narrow down his perfect match.


Search Options
He’ll have to state whether he’s a [slow-moving, fast-moving or immobile] zombie with [all, some or no limbs intact] seeking a [slow-moving, fast-moving or immobile] zombie who is [freshly turned, somewhat rotten or VERY rotten]. Additional options include: an interest in gnawing, lumbering and/or groaning.



And, in case he gets adventurous and decides to try for a human girlfriend, I’ve given him these helpful hints:


1. Freshen yourself up a little. Just because the flesh is rotting from your bones is no reason to let yourself go. Perfume, cologne, and liquid chlorine bleach can go a long way towards masking those embarrassing carrion odors. In a pinch, try hanging a pine air freshener around your neck.
2. If your date introduces you to his or her parents, try to be understanding of their reservations and unease. Also, don’t eat them.
3. Brains are pure protein, but they’re also high in calories and leave your breath smelling like offal. Try eating the occasional salad.
4. Clothes make the zombie. Throw away those tattered rags you were buried in and slip into something fun and trendy. A smart jacket or baggy sweater can cover up those embarrassing internal organs, and a jaunty scarf will draw the eye from your missing lower jaw. Don’t be afraid to accessorize!
5. If you decide to let that special someone hold your hand, make sure it’s still attached to your wrist.
6. Avoid discussing religion. In the greater scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter whether the Zombie Apocalypse was caused by a radioactive plague or some kind of voodoo curse.
7. Try to come up with activities that the two of you can enjoy together. Since your activities are pretty much limited to shambling and incoherent moaning, this may prove difficult at first. Slow walks and karaoke are always good suggestions.
8. Don’t undertip. Nobody likes a cheapskate.
9. Don’t leave voicemail messages. It doesn’t matter how in to you they are; nobody wants to listen to half an hour of “gaaarrrrrg,” “uuuurrrrrrr,” and “aaaaaaargh.”
10. If your date shows up with a gun, odds are he or she is planning to break up with you. Try not to let them shoot you in the head.


Good luck on your hunt, Shamblin’ Dave!
There’s a special girl out there waitin’ for you!

ZAM: Who will love you if you’re dead?

Shamblin’ Dave, in a moment of weakness, recently admitted that he’s never found love and feels he never will, now that he’s a corpse. He’s asked for help and we can see he’s lonely so we’ve agreed to do everything we can to assist him in his search for a mate.

First, we should ask: Who will love you if you’re dead?

Shamblin’ Dave: No one.
Ames: Don’t be so negative.

So you’re life-challenged. You’re not the only one.

Other Zombies

Only other zombies know what you’ve gone through, what you’ve lost and what you’re going to lose, or misplace as the case may be. I expect plenty of other zombies miss being intimate and making a connection with another being, especially newbies when they’re struggling to adjust to their unlives. How about seeking out others whether male or female and make friends? The friendship could become something more in the future or they might know someone you might fall in love with.

Humans


Although it’s unlikely you’ll find a willing lover among the living it’s not impossible. Plenty of necrophiliacs will be relieved to finally come out of the closet and indulge in their rather unusual and mostly illegal fetish. However, chasing humans makes you a Vitaphiliac – those who have an erotic attraction to living things.

Zombie 1: Graah, guh, bwuh, GRAAAH. {Translation: Hey, there is such a hot, helpless girl over there! I think I’ll go over and “eat her out”, if you catch my meaning!}
Zombie 2: Bwuh? Grahhgh hugrhh! {Translation: What? That’s sick! You must have vitaphilia!}
Zombie 1: Gruhbuh, raghhh. {Translation: At least I’ll be eating tonight, asshole.}

Pursuing a human is tricky. Most will automatically assume you’re by hunting for your next meal rather than looking for love. Don’t be surprised if the object of your affection runs away or shoots you. You obviously don’t want them to fear you but can you blame them? No one wants to be a voreaphilia victim. Voreaphiliacs or “Vore Whores” frighten me!

Your very last option regarding humans, and I don’t recommend this, is to forcibly bite the person you’re attracted to. By doing this you’ve limited their options for lovers and they’ll be completely reliant on you to help them through the transition from living to undead. However, upon changing there’s a possibility they’ll turn around and reject you due to resentment. You’ve taken away their life and everything they love. They’re probably not going to thank you for that. If however, they ask for the bite -extremely unlikely, then by all means chomp away.

Tasty!

Hmm, is he after food or sex?
We’ll be looking closer at this later on in the week so stay tuned!